Love is what you make, Hearts colliding Dreams creating illusion of being permanent and, Lately I’ve been wondering what this love really is? Is it possible for hearts to just meet and collide? To meet someone and it’s a just flawless vibe?
My research has been telling me Love is like a chair you want to sit on, the shape of which determines your posture or Love is more like three crying kids in the back of the car after a bad week at work, when you’ve barely slept for days and you’ve been fighting with your beloved about the same damn thing for the last two weeks, and you have an overwhelming urge to just drop it all and run away because my God this can’t be what the rest of my life will look like!
But you end up coming back home after all.
My comprehension is love means different things at different places, circumstances and situations and maybe, just maybe there’s nothing like bad timing because the heart doesn’t choose when to love and who to love.
Just like any other heart, it’s not like mine has had a choice See this love, I always say like trust it’s a stalwart word But I know better what my heart has been feeling, tingly – ticklish feels from his thought and how reluctant he is to give my mind a break, Thinking of his corky laugh, his sweet words that have grown in me, how he makes me smile without even trying, how my eyes light up from a notification from him, How love songs feel so soothing to my cochlea these days and what it would feel if it were different.
But somehow I wish this heart had a choice because maybe, just maybe there’s a bad timing to love, and now I have to keep this feelings bottled like the doodle I made.
I know you wish I could be that one for you
The one to always be with you, there for you;by your side
The one to call your love, your soulmate ;to share your dreams with
I know you yearn for me to be the first soul you set your blue eyes on when dawn knocks
The last voice you listen to before retiring to sleep
I wish I could be the one you wish you can’t live without
The one you’ll be convincing yourself you can’t breathe without
I yearn to be the one you would choose to die for
I want to be the whisper in your ear each time
I’m afraid of loving, of giving anyone my heart
You can’t love me, no one can, he said I was not lovable
I was left with all symptoms of a broken – hearted girl
This heart is delicate
Understand me I’m not complicated I have my dimensions
Taking advantage of a broken, torn, bruised heart was the best he could do, Thinking of him made me contrite ever encountering him ; he so much reminded me of the alien I had to call a father, He took me back to the nightmares of having any geezer in my minute universe A nightmare that took me decades to get over. He came to me at a error- free time, you know how that feels like – Heaven When I was hopeless, loneliness screaming I couldn’t bear the clamour, when I was desperate for love even the little touch of it, when I had forgotten what being alive felt like I’m not to be criticized , the heavens know I had to give in Call it stupid, desperation, insanity, atrocious if you want Who let’s go of such an opportunity when it comes to you without a struggle! He promised to never leave me, to always be there when I needed him When I needed a shoulder to lean on, to cry on He silenced the loneliness in me and reminded me how being alive felt like once more I could feel my all dopamine levels move His charms that made me swear on my life never to let go He made me reconsider on forgiving the one man who forgot I was his blood The man who made my life an unsavoury place to be, a living hell The man that triggered my eyes to tear all night The one man that made me contrite ever coming to this universe One who made me wish I was called for a meeting and consulted before any conclusion of being born was made, Each time he switched off his venomous humanity and laid his filthy skin on me, Leave that for another occasion though. He was all I wished to have, to be with for a lifetime I sacrificed all I had for him without caring if I had to walk thousands and thousands of miles to please him You know LOVE and all its bringings. But he took away everything enchanting, the little tinge of happiness left in me,took away the only smile I had Changed the tone of tears I had into an ocean Broke my heart into millions and millions of pieces. Why did you make me build castles in the air without any foundation! What happened to you never leaving me, never breaking my heart? What happened to you always having my back, always being there for me! What happened to the shoulder you were to give me when I needed one, to cry on? What happened to all the dreams we had, all the future plans we had! What happened to all the promises?