DIARY ENTRY 4.09.22

You know I want you,
It’s not a secret I try to hide.
You know you want me,
So don’t keep saying our hands are tied….(vocal)

Want;is when you don’t care much about their flaws,
When you’d overlook every con and transform it into a pro,
Positive positioning the situation I guess would best fit as a phrase for it,
But this heart is not always smart.
I want to think i fancy you but my mind mind is convincing me that I crave you, dilemma.
I have to tell you I woke up this morning with you on my mind,
A deep hunger and desire and only one thought running through my mind,
Fancy or desire.

What if we rewrite the stars,
Say you were meant to be mine.
Nothing could keep us apart,
You’d be the one I was meant to find. (vocal)

Daydreaming, with a smile on my face,
Blissfully lost in the sunnlest of hues,
Carefully, foolishly, happy, oblivious to worries is what I’ve been since I met you.
I want to go back in time and encounter you on my first day
Maybe I would be able to look you in the eyes then.

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EUPHORIC

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See I just wanted to let you know that in my mind you’re my yesterday, today and always.

Lotsa love 🧡🍂

Lydrah

Diary Entry 27.06

For a moment I thought you were my constant but I guess we can’t really tell how the stars are aligned from down here

It was beautiful, a fantastic moment, a terrific heart-rush from all the currents you circuited

But it was short-lived and now all I do is talk to the moon and the wind about you

Well at least I did before the same wind took you and the memory of you away

Very short-lived indeed!

Lotsa love

LYDRAH 🧡 🍂

BOTTLED FEELINGS

Love is what you make,
Hearts colliding
Dreams creating illusion of being permanent and,
Lately I’ve been wondering what this love really is?
Is it possible for hearts to just meet and collide?
To meet someone and it’s a just flawless vibe?

My research has been telling me Love is like a chair you want to sit on, the shape of which determines your posture or
Love is more like three crying kids in the back of the car after a bad week at work, when you’ve barely slept for days and you’ve been fighting with your beloved about the same damn thing for the last two weeks, and you have an overwhelming urge to just drop it all and run away because my God this can’t be what the rest of my life will look like!

But you end up coming back home after all.

My comprehension is love means different things at different places, circumstances and situations and maybe, just maybe there’s nothing like bad timing because the heart doesn’t choose when to love and who to love.

Just like any other heart, it’s not like mine has had a choice
See this love, I always say like trust it’s a stalwart word
But I know better what my heart has been feeling, tingly – ticklish feels from his thought and how reluctant he is to give my mind a break,
Thinking of his corky laugh, his sweet words that have grown in me, how he makes me smile without even trying, how my eyes light up from a notification from him,
How love songs feel so soothing to my cochlea these days and what it would feel if it were different.

But somehow I wish this heart had a choice because maybe, just maybe there’s a bad timing to love,
and now I have to keep this feelings bottled like the doodle I made.

Lotsa Love
LYDRAH 🧡 🍂

IGNITION

“You are someone’s favorite flower 🌸”

Heey lovelies 😍,
It’s been so long, your girl here been super lazy and shit 😂. How’s your 2020 going on though? I hope it’s filled with love and hope.

Happy readings on this minute part from my book Heart Chains. Reminder:If you haven’t read it, you can find it on my Wattpad profile @lydrahmntrude

You remind what butterflies feel like with your devilish charms

With your delectable kiss I know what goosebumps feel like

Your cuddles with that spooning position wrecks havoc across my emotions

You ignite the circuits of my highest potential

You know I love y’all and appreciate you the most

XOXO ❣️ ❣️

WHAT MY EARS SAVOUR

You are what you listen to

They say good music should be appreciated, and that’s exactly what I try to do every break of dawn, every moment my head’s heavy and my heart’s cold or warm. Whatever the situation even when my world’s tearing apart I still do.

Look, I don’t know what kind of music you love to your ears. I probably will never understand what type of lyrics your ears embrace.

But this is me, I don’t do primitive . I love my music dark, I love my lyrics sensual, I’m in love with music that only caresses my cochlea. I savour music that makes love to my eardrums.

Don’t be so quick to judge. I’m in no need of being painted. I’m no Saint and don’t saints sin too? Yes I listen to arrays of sex songs, hard or not. I listen to love making songs and my love making lyrics are of decorum. I mean my music don’t promote sexual abuse, it does not make you feel deprived of your dignity by the society. No. It appreciates all forms of humanity.

The skies with the moon and stars mean much more to me than the skies with a bright sunshine. The moon makes me dance in ways the sun will never comprehend. To more reasons I love my lyrics dark and depressing. I love my lyrics soaring through my labyrinth threatening to tear its details apart. My ears savour what takes my spirit to a whole new world, where delusions are brought to reality

Is good music really good if it don’t tear your soul apart, if it don’t scatter your feelings all over making you feel like you want to escape reality and if it don’t trigger a ton of emotions?

Is good music really good if it don’t make you feel perfection exists in another world, if it don’t touch your soul in every sensual way, if it don’t make you happy beyond your expectations and if the lyrics don’t intoxicate you?

Is good music really good if it don’t take you to a place of uninterrupted calm and tranquillity?

I mean my ears savour dirt in decorum, darkness in it’s purest form and that makes my music substantial.

THURSDAY ❣️❣️

BECAUSE HAPPINESS DESERVES YOU

Because you deserve happiness and happiness deserves you 🌸

Been quite long. I won’t explain why and about life; It’s quite a lot. I’m here, all that matters.
This, today is more like a life motivation but it’s also poetry to me. Yes I can do motivation 😂.
Enjoy 😍 😍

Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror
And you see someone else?

Someone so broken
Someone so vulnerable
Someone so fragile
Someone who has lost every sparkle in life

And you try to smile but it’s a smile that doesn’t touch the brim of your eyes
A sad smile

You feel burdened more than you can hold

And you break down and lose hope of tomorrow

But then you remember you’re still breathing
And decide to bring that smile back

Because at least something good exists

What I’m saying simply is ;
There is more to life than just it’s increasing speed,
do not be tortured by not properly guessing what will make you happy,
stop drowning for people who won’t even get in the damn water for you,
celebrate every tiny victory,
seek more to life than just pain,
use your tears to grow new beginnings,
and always Be thankful

If you feel broken or depressed or anything negative I hope this made you feel better about yourself, about life. You deserve happiness 🌸

See y’all on Thursday
XOXO ❣️ ❣️

HOPELESSLY DROWNING

She feels lonesome even with a crowd,
In a battle but fighting alone.

Darkness has become her new home,
She has become a perfect place for demons to stay.

Like a small flower living in a potted plant,
full of other plants around her,
they grow higher and higher choking her.
She withers and shrinks into her own self,
until she feels like she’s nothing,
but a wilted being.

Words that describe her :
Broken, lonely , neglected, depressed,
sad, numb, hurt, angry, stressed, pain,
scared, alone, crushed, giving up,
breaking down,hopeless.

The rain has now become her favorite because maybe,
just maybe she can drown in something else,
other than her own depressing thoughts.

In this big world It’s just her and her poetry,
drowning in her own thoughts,
hoping that this pen won’t stop bleeding,
that this words will never stop flowing,
A broken girl who lives to survive in this tragic world.

She has lost desire to shine,
she has forgotten how being alive feels like,
she has forgotten how smiling felt good.

She misses the old her, the happy, goofy her,
the her that found joy in the simplest of things,
the her that found beauty in the stars,
the her that didn’t dread the next day.

She says she’s okay,
she doesn’t seem to care,
But deep down inside,
She’s dying a little more every day.

A MOMENT OF SILENCE

One day you wake up and everything’s gone
No feelings for them anymore
Nonchalant feelings taking over you
The morning sun seems not to shine the way it used to
The night stars don’t seem brighter no more
Fireflies don’t seem any magical, and less beautiful is the blue skies
And that’s when you feel like everything was just a bad dream
You realize you had forgotten your worth all along
You hate yourself for ever writing poems for them
For ever thinking they deserved your feelings
You despise yourself for not loving you more

They were not worth your time, you know!

You had eyes for the wrong people, lucid
We all encounter wrong people, people we think were meant for us
But you can’t let that break you now, you have to move on
You can crawl desperately to the top again
They were all unnecessary as when you were alone
It was another part of your Déjà vu
Another part of your visions of ecstasy

Soon, the morning sun will be shining more
The night stars will be brighter
The moon will be smiling for you
The fireflies will be worth viewing
The blue skies will not be less beautiful
And I hope you will be loving yourself more

So a moment of silence for the waves of misery
A moment of silence for the lost feelings
A moment of silence for the lost time
A moment of silence for the crushes you had
A moment of silence for the vulnerable you
A moment of silence for the wasted tears
A moment of silence for the wasted ink
A moment of silence for the nostalgic feelings

A moment of silence for the old you

THREE LITTLE WORDS

Photo by Kat Jayne on Pexels.com

Hello everyone,
Been a bit long, life has been crazy, lots of challenging and so busy here and there but here I am like I never left 😂 hoping to be every other Thursday with you. I’m so glad y’all still here. You mean the world to me 😭 😍.
Anyways I hope you enjoy. Xoxo ❤️

I get angry and say things I don’t give a thought to
Last night I was pissed off and I said things I didn’t like
But I don’t know, how to not fight with you
How not to argue

I know I get caught up in my own little world and sometimes I forget the true meaning of those three little words
But life didn’t come with instructions love, not an excuse
Queens could be psychos too

Sorry is as hard not to be compared to those three little words
But if we loved we must learn how to forgive
Don’t you see? My voice betrayed me!
Don’t you realize? This ego of mine is a nemesis? I’m still fighting to make her porous!
Won’t you accept this apology from my alien phrases!

I don’t wanna be lonely because I know,how being lonely could destroy me
I’m not ready to loose you yet, I won’t be later, tomorrow and ever
I hurt you and so I hurt me
I don’t know how to say sorry, but I apologize

I don’t want to have our memories just written in line
A circle has no ends and that’s how long I wanna hold on to those three little words
These three little words are I LOVE YOU and I wanna say this even past the end of time

See you on Thursday 😍