REMORSEFUL CHANGE

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Change is inevitable and I’m sorry it took the best of me
I’m sorry for never thinking how you’ll receive it
I’m sorry for embracing pain and discomfort
I’m sorry that in the race of surviving I almost forgot how much you cared
I’m sorry that I gave in to the selfishness life struggles offered
I’m sorry I tried to give you the best of me only to ensure you received the worst of me ;Not because you weren’t better but because I wasn’t
I’m sorry that I gave up on all and gave in to losing myself
I’m sorry that I couldn’t make you happy like they did ;when it felt like my responsibility
Growing apart doesn’t change the fact that for a long time we grew side by side
Our roots will always be tangled ;I’m glad for that
Help me to be brave, strong and broken all at once
Help me to give life a meaning even when it pushes me to the wall and I see my end approaching
Help me to smile always even when life gives me more reasons to frown
Help me in finding the old me above all ;and I promise to change for you
Help me to put a smile in your face like they do ;so that I won’t be jealous no more
Help me to make the distance feel shorter and closure to be felt more
Please help me in saving myself from the new me and I promise to change for you

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A MESSAGE TO MY BFF

I’m much of a layabout and all I do is liaise with my pen ✍️ and call it constructive
I come in from a walk and my rounded eyes meet hers
My friend ;my BFF that’s what we call them in this generation
Stupefied but I still force an Hi, which is only riposted by eyes suspended with fury
Disturbed but agitated too,

“Is all well? ”

“Do I look OK! ”

I recognize that voice I can tell it’s not good
“I should have known you were a slut “
I thought I was disturbed but calling me a slut and the face she’s wearing disturbs me to the core
I have thoughts lapsing in my cerebrum
Could she have known that he has been messing around with me?

” After all I’ve done to you this is your way of giving gratitude ? “
I feel the agony in her voice, the rising rage
I loose control of my adrenaline and my tongue outwits my cerebrum

” I didn’t mean to do it Bestie. I wished you no harm but he kept pushing it. “

I know I sounded like a frigging dummy and I could not seek ideal words to express myself
She looked pale with her sad blue eyes
Frigging guilt ran all over my veins
I had been through this before and I knew how it felt to feel all broken
I felt remorse for never telling her he was going through anagapesis
Who was I to held liable ;me or him?

“He’s all yours ” were the last words I heard from her
Fortunately I didn’t enter the blocked list
Maybe she wants me to know that life is even better without me or him
Now all I see is her posted portraits with her new trophy
But why does EGO always come around knocking!
I opened the door for EGO and it took the best of me :made it onerous to lower my pride
It intercepted me from saying the things I was supposed to
Maybe just maybe I’d still have my Best Friend
This is a message to my BFF ;I’d be lying to myself if I said I didn’t miss you
I just wanna let you know I’m SORRY more than words could even express
I don’t want you to come back, I know you wouldn’t even if I wished
I just wanna let you know I’d do anything possible to gather all the pieces I scattered
I’m sorry I couldn’t make the best friend you might have wanted

Maybe I needed a bit of moulding